You are in the right place. In this blog post, we will outline some tips for having that conversation with your partner.
When it comes to relationships, there are many different dynamics that are effective. There is no set script for success in your relationship. Some couples prefer monogamy and others, non-monogamy. There are many different variations of non-monogamy (i.e., ENM/CNM, polyamory, swinging, open, etc.). Through self-exploration and communicating with your partner(s), you can find the perfect fit for you. Remember, your relationship does not need labels in any form to be valid.
There's no single answer to this question, as every couple has different boundaries and expectations. Non-monogamy can present as casual, physical, committed, and emotional relationships. You and your partner call the shots and tailor it to your identified needs and wants. Be open and honest with yourself and your partner. It is okay to revisit conversations and seek clarity when needed.
Your desire to open your relationship is valid and deserves to be respected.
It is important to understand that there are a lot of misconceptions about non-monogamy. There is nothing “wrong” with the desire to seek exploration outside of your relationship. Start the dialogue and share your thoughts with your partner. Relationships in any form can be very rewarding and also a lot of work. Expect a journey of self-exploration and discovery. Do your research and see what concepts of non-monogamy you connect with.
Be open and honest with yourself and your partners, and be prepared to renegotiate as needed. Opening your relationship is not an effective way to "save" your relationship. Non-monogamy and monogamy are both commitments that require communication. If desired, think about exploring thoughts and feelings with an experienced, licensed therapist.
If you are interested in exploring non-monogamy, the first step is to talk to your partner about it. Set up a “date” to discuss your relationship and the desire to open it. The most effective conversations occur when all parties have the emotional capacity to actively listen and reply. Give yourself ample time to discuss questions, concerns, and feelings that arise.
This is not a “one and done” conversation. You can always communicate changes in your preferences. It is okay to check-in and establish clarity, in fact, it is highly recommended for any effective relationship. You both should feel seen and heard within these conversations. Opening up your relationship can be a thrilling experience that leads to personal growth and deeper relationships.
Here are some suggested talking points and reflective questions to explore individually and together:
Opening up a relationship can be a big decision, but it doesn't have to be scary! Just make sure to communicate, check-in, and have mutual respect for each other and your relationship. Don’t forget to have plenty of fun along the way!
Happy adventuring!
Warm Regards,
Maureen McCarthy, LSW
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