Holistic Healing: Mind-Body Techniques in Therapy
Delve into the transformative power of mind-body approaches in therapy, emphasizing the significant role of meditation, mindfulness, and body awareness in healing and emotional management.
Starting with a focus on how couples can navigate grief together, returning guest, Lindsay Bauer, LMFT shares her expertise in integrating breath work, meditation, and mindfulness into therapy sessions. She explains the differences between meditation and mindfulness, particularly highlighting the benefits of practices like the “So Hum” meditation, body scans, and yoga nidra in releasing physical tension related to stress and emotions.
As the conversation progresses, Lindsay and host Kira Yakubov Ploshansky explore the impact of mindfulness and self-awareness in achieving inner peace and managing emotions. They touch on grounding techniques for improving decision-making and discuss the importance of embodied experiences in therapy.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to understanding grief and loss within couples therapy. Lindsay highlights the complexities of supporting a partner through grief, emphasizing the need for communication, validation, and acknowledging different healing styles.
- Mind-body approach to therapy and meditation techniques.
- Exploring the mind-body approach to therapy with a focus on meditation techniques.
- Helping couples navigate grief together in therapy through mind-body techniques such as breath work, meditation, and mindfulness.
- Using meditation to focus on mantras or breath, while employing mindfulness as a method of guided body awareness
- Mindfulness and body connection in therapy sessions.
- Discussing the “So Hum” meditation and its role in surfacing unpleasant memories and emotions during therapy sessions.
- Addressing the discomfort and fear clients with trauma might feel during mindfulness practices, emphasizing the need for gentle starts and safety measures.
- Employing mindfulness exercises, including body scans and yoga nidra, to assist clients in noticing and releasing physical tension tied to stress and emotions.
- Incorporating body awareness in therapy sessions to help clients relax and reduce distress caused by work-related issues like feeling unappreciated.
- Mindfulness and body connection in therapy sessions.
- Emphasizing awareness and self-care in managing emotions and achieving inner peace, highlighting simple techniques like deep breathing and body scans for maintaining a peaceful mindset.
- Mindfulness and body connection in therapy sessions
- Discussing the effectiveness of grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or feeling one’s feet on the ground, in regulating emotions and enhancing decision-making in therapy.
- Focusing on the significance of embodied experiences and present-moment sensations over purely cognitive processes for a more empowered and clear state of mind.
- Meditation, grief, and mental health
- Assisting clients in working through grief and emotional heaviness using meditation techniques, with a particular focus on noticing muscle tightening.
- Acknowledging the impact of grief on physical, cognitive, and emotional health levels.
- Grief and loss in couples therapy.
- Processing grief and emotions in couples therapy in a non-judgmental manner.
- Addressing the challenges of supporting a partner through grief, especially when both partners are grieving the same loss differently.
- Stressing the importance of accepting differing paths and healing styles within a partnership.
- Highlighting the role of communication and validation in grief counseling.
- Grief, healing, and relationships in couples therapy
- Navigating the complexities of grieving together in a relationship, dealing with varying emotional responses and the necessity of prioritizing self-care.
- Underlining the importance of trust and open communication in overcoming the challenges of grieving as a couple.
- Recognizing and accepting the different ways individuals heal from grief, especially in the context of couples therapy.
Expand for Podcast Transcript
Mind-body approach to therapy and meditation techniques.
Lindsay Bauer 0:00
When you meet somebody, you don’t know what the rest of your lives are going to look like, you know, you find a partner and you love these qualities about them and you’re compatible. And maybe you’ve gone through a couple of things before you, you know, you get married or totally committed to each other. But then life might throw you some of the darkest heaviest things and you didn’t know how your partner would respond. You didn’t know how you’re going to respond in those situations. So I always bring that up, too. I’m kind of like, look like you’re learning each other over again in this grief.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 0:36
Welcome back to Heal Your Roots Podcast. In today’s episode, we have Lindsay Bower, sharing how she uses the mind body connection in her therapy work, and particularly how she helps couples move through grief together, you’re going to want to listen into today’s episode. Lindsay, thank you so much. Welcome back for a second episode with you and really excited to have you back on today.
Lindsay Bauer 0:57
Thank you for having me, Kira.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 0:59
Absolutely. So I know in our first episode, you talked a little bit more about your background, what made you want to become a therapist. So just for today’s episode, if you can kind of share a little bit about what you do, where you work at just so the listeners if they didn’t hear the first episode, get an idea of who you are. I’m
Lindsay Bauer 1:19
Lindsay Bauer, I am the owner of yoga ology. It’s a private practice, centered in Philadelphia, but I do service Pennsylvania and New Jersey as I’m licensed in both. I’m a marriage family therapist, and I specialize in infertility, grief, trauma and anxiety. So I provide individual therapy and couples therapy. In my practice, yoga, ology specializes in mind body, that’s kind of like our niche. So within any kind of situation or issue that you might be bringing into therapy, we’re going to approach it with a mind body approach. There’s a holistic health in it at yoga allergy. And so that’s something that I pride myself on and I make sure that everybody knows you’re not leaving a therapy session without having some kind of mind body approach to it. So that breath work, meditation, mindfulness, etc.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 2:22
Because he does a lot of things, and I know you do, like meditation classes, or meditation coaching as well.
Lindsay Bauer 2:28
Yes, thank you. So that’s actually like a big part of the mind body work. So a lot of times people are, are like, Well, how do you incorporate yoga or meditation or breath work into sessions. And the yoga piece is a little tricky, because those kind of have to be scheduled separately. But with meditation, you know, someone’s talking about stress or anxiety that they’re having. A lot of times, I’ll just say, you know, let’s, let’s kind of go into a meditation right now. Whether it’s a guided meditation, whether it’s a body scan, whether it’s more like a mindfulness exercise, but yes, I help people. And sometimes people come just because they want to work on their meditation practice, and, and incorporate a little bit more of that into their daily lives. So I think people find they say, they find a hard time, finding the time and how to implement it into their schedules. So if they already have a therapy session, in their routine, then they just add the meditation into it, and it works nicely for them. So it’s a nice little trick.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 3:51
That’s awesome. And so for people who may not know the difference between let’s say, like, a guided meditation or a body scan mindfulness, could you share a little bit about the differences and like, what that might look like? And how you kind of present that in sessions with clients too?
Lindsay Bauer 4:09
Yeah, yeah. Meditation, it is kind of tricky. Meditation is has like the focusing on your it’s almost like bringing awareness in to it. So you’re, you’re focusing on one thing, so it could be a mantra, which is a prayer or a an intention or an affirmation. So for example, a common one is so hum or translated to I m. And that would be kind of like you say, so hum over and over and over. So every time an intrusive thought comes in or every time a a task that you need to get done for the day pops in, you just keep following so hums so Um, and that is opening yourself to I am, I am I am. And I use this with clients who tend to feel unworthy, or they have any kind of identity issues this way. If I don’t know, like, it’s kind of like praying, where you’re just kind of whether it’s to a God or the universe or whomever, you’re you’re kind of asking, Who am I? Right? What’s my purpose here? And sometimes as you sit in silence, some answers could pop up, or visions can pop up. Anyway. So that’s meditation, you’re focusing on a mantra you’re focusing on maybe just your breath. Maybe it is a specific question that you have that you’ve been pondering on. And then mindfulness is slightly different in that it’s, it is more of like the guided piece. So a body scan would be considered more of like a mindfulness exercise. So it’s bringing the awareness to different bodily sensations. You know, if I said, focus on any parts of your body that are feeling tingly, people might then focus on their fingers, they might focus on their arms. That’s kind of the difference between those it’s very good gray in the sense that they overlap each other, obviously. But I would, in short, I would say meditation almost feels like you’re kind of on your own, in a sense, like, you know, and then mindfulness techniques, techniques feel a little bit more guided.
Mindfulness and body connection in therapy sessions
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 6:53
It’s, you know, it’s interesting, you’re saying that, because right before I was getting ready for this episode, we were doing like these like voice stretches. And like relaxations, like, um, and it was really relaxing. And thinking about, like, the vibration of that in my throat in my body, and like the sound of it all, like, kind of made me think about all of those senses and being more present. So I actually never heard of the you said, so hum. is how it goes. So hum. I really love that that’s really cool. And it’s really deep thinking about like, your purpose or your answer or kind of like who you’re reaching out to, to ask for a message or something. That’s really awesome. Do you feel like clients kind of resonate with that? If it’s like something new that they’ve never tried before?
Lindsay Bauer 7:40
I do think so. I think that like, it can invite in a lot of scary answers to right. So a lot of times with trauma, I do notice that this is a practice, this isn’t something like the first time they come into it, that they’re like, oh, wow, I feel completely healed. I feel like I have all the answers. It can bring up some difficulties it can bring up, you know, because if you think of like, who am I memories tend to come up. Right. And some of those memories might be unpleasant, they might be painful. So, a lot of times when I do that one, it is in the therapeutic practice in the sense of what is coming up right now. So the goal necessarily isn’t to finish that meditation, it’s the process through it, it’s figure out, why are you having blocks to who you are, why is it difficult to sit with the authentic part of you, or the, the, the authentic part of you.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 8:51
You know, it’s interesting. So I’ve had some of that mindfulness in session with clients and I find that clients who have had trauma while they want to be present, and the goal is to be more connected with their body, they notice that once they start to do some of these exercises or practices, they kind of get scared. Like a rush of feelings, or a rush of sensations or that they won’t be able to handle what is going to come through and they kind of get scared, or that they may feel a lot of those shameful emotions or like discomfort. So it’s almost like this internal struggle of like, well, I want to be more connected to my body meet President but I’m actually really scared of how that’s gonna feel.
Lindsay Bauer 9:37
Right. Absolutely. I mean, even just having people close their eyes can feel very unsafe or just uncomfortable, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I do. I think that I always like to do gentle starts, you know, there’s very beginner level meditation and I And like, I personally think that a body scan. So I’m asking you to pay attention to your left big toe is way different than, hey, let’s sit in silence for 10 minutes and observe these like deep questions that you have about yourself, right? So I do pitch it in that way, like this is very gentle, there’s a safety to this. And a lot of times with any type of therapy approach, we say, like, maybe there’s a safe word when you want to get out of this, let’s I can bring you back into the present moment will open our eyes, etc. So I give people an out because that, that can really help with feeling lost or scared or, like, you know, not really sure what’s going to come up.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 10:49
Yeah, so definitely a gradual approach to help clients like, baby steps. Yeah, absolutely.
Lindsay Bauer 10:55
Yeah. Yeah. And
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 10:58
so how else do you kind of incorporate or like your approach of this mind body connection in therapy sessions, when they’re like bringing, whether it’s like heavy things into session, or they’re just like talking about stress or anxiety, or even grief?
Lindsay Bauer 11:13
Yeah, um, so I, a lot of times, yoga nidra is one approach. So it is a type of meditation. And then like, I’ve keep mentioning body scans, because it’s just such a go to, it’s so easy, but so powerful. So for example, let’s say, someone had come in and they said, I’m feeling just extremely stressed at work. And they start ranting and kind of going on about this coworker and this boss, and they’re not getting paid enough. And they have to have a tough conversation with their supervisor about getting a raise, etc. And then I kind of like pause them, and I’m like, do you mind doing a mindfulness exercise with me? I think that I think we’re doing a lot of like content and cognitive stuff. But I’m really curious if we can notice what’s happening in your body right now. So then I say, like, what’s the biggest thing that’s bothering you at work? And they’ll say, I feel unappreciated? Or maybe I don’t? They don’t say that quite at first. But I guess I guess I’m there to say I feel unappreciated. Yeah. And then I say, Well, where do you feel that in your body, and maybe they say, in my stomach, like, I just feel tons of knots in my stomach, let’s send our breath to those areas. And every in breath that you take, it’s expanding. And it’s almost like unraveling those knots, or it’s loosening them a little bit. And then every outbreath, you’re just getting rid of negativity, you’re getting rid of stress, you’re getting rid of worry. And through like five minutes of that they just feel lighter. And sometimes when we come to, I’m like, so tell me about your coworker? And they’re like, I don’t, I don’t really think it’s bothering me that much anymore. I feel better, I feel relaxed. So that would be like, the, like a synopsis? Like the the summary of how I incorporate it kind of goes is very similar in all sessions.
Mindfulness and self-awareness
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 13:18
Yeah. That’s interesting. So it’s almost like instead of having clients feel like they have to, like fix it, or walk through the whole thing, or like find different scenarios and ways to go about it. It’s more like, in this moment, let’s just see how heavy it actually is. let’s decrease that and then let’s come back and reassess. Like, is this still weighing on you? Is it still important to you? Hmm.
Lindsay Bauer 13:41
Right. I mean, that’s what all of this mind body work is, is awareness. It’s bringing non judgmental, non analytical awareness to it. Right. So how, you know, because we can stay in our heads and kind of complain about things and, but when we really feel it, whether we put a feeling word to it, like I feel unappreciated, it’s bringing awareness, it’s, and then therefore control, right? Because a lot of us, we don’t want to feel like we’re out of control, with our feelings, with our thoughts with our behaviors. So I think that that’s one of the big pieces to this is giving people this empowerment and control over their own feelings, which then makes you feel more in control of your life. Yeah, yeah. And
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 14:36
it’s also something that you can carry with you, right? Like it’s not, yeah, this external thing that you have to rely on somebody else, or you have to do or you have to find a place it’s kind of like all very much reliant on yourself. Like, if I know how to bring myself back to awareness or if I know how to give myself a body scan, anywhere. I could be on a bus, I could be in the middle of a store, wherever as long as I have a couple of seconds. I I can do this for me. And I’m sure like that within itself is really empowering. Because you don’t feel like you have to rely on anybody else to help yourself through an uncomfortable moment. Correct.
Lindsay Bauer 15:10
Right, it’s a tool and that they get to keep with them. And it’s so it’s really powerful. I think, when I first started learning about all of this, I remember going to a training. And they said, We’re going to take three deep breaths. And I feel like that’s the that’s what we tend to hear a lot. Like, take three deep breaths, when you’re angry, it takes three deep breaths when you’re stressed. And, you know, I get a lot of what are three deep breaths, you really think that they’re gonna solve my problem? Right? Yeah. But it’s not about solving the problem. Like you said, it’s about being able to give yourself a tool so that you can have problems and still live a pretty peaceful life. And that the problems aren’t destroying you that they’re not controlling you and taking over you that you feel like, I was like to think of like a big mighty tree. Right, so like, it can be storming outside. But if this tree is grounded and rooted, its base, it’s maybe swaying and going with the storm a little bit, but it’s not bending over, it’s not breaking. Right. So trying to make people bunch of lightning trees.
Meditation, grief, and mental health
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 16:30
I love that. And I, I have to do more meditation, I used to meditate a lot more. And I would love going outside and like having my feet in the grass. And remember, the guided ones were like your a tree planted, like feeling like the earth and like the roots are coming from your feet into the earth and like going all the way to the core. Like I know, sometimes, some clients or even just some people might feel like it’s a little out there, or they can’t like conceptualize it. But I think that kind of goes back to what you’re saying. Like, it doesn’t have to be cognitively it doesn’t have to be the thoughts in your mind. It’s like embodying that experience, and feeling those sensations and it feels nice, it feels really relaxing to go there. Exactly.
Lindsay Bauer 17:12
Yeah, I know. It’s, it is powerful. It’s, it’s something like, you can’t just talk about it, you have to do it, and you have to experience it, right? Like, you can read about it, and you can listen to somebody else talk about it. But once and I’m telling you, I’ll do the three breaths with clients. And again, it is not solving problem. But they’re immediately like, Okay, I just feel a little bit more present. And when you’re present, you’re just able to, you just feel a little bit more empowered, and a little bit more clear. And in therapy sessions tend to go better when you when you start,
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 17:56
it makes me think about when we are in a heightened state, we’re so dysregulated and we can’t really make an informed decision or do something that’s really representative of like our morals or values, or how we really think it becomes more impulsive or something like reactive, like I just need this to stop, I want this to stop. So I’m just going to do whatever. Versus like, you take those three, three deep breaths, or you ground yourself and you calm down. You’re like, okay, how can I actually think through this? How do I want to present? How do I want to express what I’m feeling in a way that will be received, received? Well, especially for couples therapy, right? Like, I want my partner to hear me and take what I’m saying, because that’s the point of this, then I need to like, calm down I need to regulate myself.
Lindsay Bauer 18:47
Yep. Exactly. It’s, it’s, it’s really helpful for crises. So whether that’s in an interpersonal and you know, in a relationship, if it’s any kind of crisis, it’s it’s really helpful. You know, because it does, just to kind of speak to that piece of, oh, this, this is something you do in a yoga class, or this is something that hippies do or, you know, what, it’s really effective for mental health. It’s really effective for crises. You know, you had mentioned grief couples. Trauma, I mean, traumas is really big. blow to our nervous system and to our whole perception of the world and how we move through the world. Anger, right, anger is big, that can feel extremely heavy and it and it can also feel like I’m just an angry person. I’m never going to change. That’s not true. So, you know, I don’t want people to get the misconception that meditation is kind of this fluffy, it only works for certain people who believe in it, it literally can work for anyone who wants to try it. Super accessible to,
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 20:07
yes, it’s free. Anyone? Anyone can do it? And so can you share a little bit more about how grief sits in our body or lands in our body? And how you kind of help people work through that?
Lindsay Bauer 20:20
Yeah, so I do a lot with grief, especially with the infertility element of my practice. So with grief, I noticed like, first, when you think of when I think of grief, I think of just like an emotional heaviness, sadness, anger, resentment, fear, all of that kind of gives us this tightening in our muscles. And then it also creates like headaches, belly aches, things that we don’t really just, we don’t, we wouldn’t associate necessarily with grief, but it does. So sometimes muscle aches, you know, like, if you’re really tense and you’re in, you’re kind of like sitting like this a lot or your shoulders are up, you do tend to create tightness in the muscles. So that would be one thing. And then also with, with grief, I think of bad sleep. You know, when you’re really stressed, when you’re really sad about something, either you’re not sleeping well, or getting any sleep, or if you are sleeping, sometimes our dreams can be super vivid and disrupted. And have you ever woken up from a very stressful or scary dream? And you’re just thrown off all day? Yeah, yes. And then just not getting good sleep can also affect your health, physical and mental health. So I really noticed a lot of that too. And, and with sadness or depression, that comes from grief, a lot of times people self care tends to go down. So they’re all intertwined, right? So our physical bodies are nutritional bodies, our cognitive, everything is intertwined. So the thing about grief is it’s just really, really powerful. And it affects it’s not just like, oh, it just made me a little sad. It’s affecting every level of our bodies of our energies. Yeah, so it’s, it’s intense, I think, sounds
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 22:47
all encompassing, right. And like, you’re saying, there is no like, disconnect. We can’t just like put this one side over here and not experience it. Because our nervous systems all messed up, if we’re not eating, if we’re not sleeping properly, that impacts how we think how we feel, which continues like this vicious cycle, and then isolating or lashing out or, you know, everybody kind of experiences grief differently, and how it’s expressed. And I’m sure how we were, you know, raised or what we saw growing up that was like culturally normal or within our family of how to show or process grief or not process it, I’m sure plays a huge impact as well.
Grief and loss in couples therapy
Lindsay Bauer 23:30
Yes. Yeah. Right. And I do I think that a lot of times with grief, like what you’re saying processing or not processing? I don’t know that we’re taught that. No, right. Right. I mean, if if you had a loss, a major loss in your family growing up, and your parents helped you process that, then great, you’ve learned it, but I just, I don’t know, from my personal experience, and also, my professional experience, it just seems like it wasn’t taught very well. A lot of people may have lost someone. And then I said, Well, oh my goodness, like, how did you process that as a kid? And I was like, I didn’t like my parents didn’t talk to me about it. And I’m thinking, oh, you know, I think it’s just such a scary, heavy thing that we tend to be like, oh, let’s push over there. You know, so yeah, part of my work with grief is to help clients find comfortable as comfortable as possible ways of processing it. And that a lot of the best way to reach them is through the mind body work that I do and kind of saying like, Hey, we’re gonna bring awareness to what we’re feeling. Well, even, you know, labeling what we’re feeling I didn’t realize that this was anger, right? I just was walking around thinking I was a jerk. No, it’s it’s anger with sadness underneath of it. And then I like to add the non judgmental piece. I validate and validate and validate, you’re allowed to feel angry, right? This is unfair this, this is very unfair that this happened to you. But is your anger, giving you a better quality of life? Or is it kind of chaining you to these really sad feelings?
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 25:28
Labeling a lot of bringing awareness and not pushing it away and not compartmentalizing it. And not just like shoving it down somewhere and trying to distract ourselves. Right?
Lindsay Bauer 25:39
Exactly right, owning it, understanding it, because when you understand it adds some compassion and a little bit of lightness to it. And then it makes it a little more bearable, to live with. And each day, every day that you do more work and more processing, it gets a little bit lighter and a little bit easier
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 26:00
to hide, do you see this come up in couples therapy where, let’s say either both partners are experiencing the same loss, or only one partner kind of experienced the loss, and they’re grieving and their other partners trying to be supportive. But like you’re saying, if you’re angry or irritable, it can be really hard to support someone who is presenting that way or like pushing people away, even though they really want support and compassion.
Lindsay Bauer 26:30
Right? Well, you know, If a couple is experiencing the same loss, that actually tends to bring up more issues, because I think you said this a little earlier, we all grieve differently, right? Well, just in general, we all heal differently, we all perceive differently. So sometimes with my couples, the first part of getting them to accept that this is gonna be a different path for both of them. But how do we stay on the same path as a partnership. And I say that’s by accepting each other’s different paths, if that makes sense. So it’s, it’s helping them to listen and understand, Oh, we’re going through the same loss. But, but your grief looks like this or feels like this. And mine looks and feels like this, how can I sit in yours yet also protect mine. And vice versa. And it’s really, it’s challenging to do that. And a lot of times with like, really intense grief, you know, couples need a little bit of a break, they need to kind of heal and do their own thing. Like I’m thinking like the loss of a child, you know, that is so deep and so heavy. I don’t, you know, I don’t expect I’m not like you’re not getting a reward at the end of this. If you’re if your guys’s marriage makes it through the loss of a child. I’m not saying definitely get divorced or separate. But if you need a little bit of separation or space to heal on your own, you didn’t fail, right. And that’s a really big thing that they need to know right away. Because it’s just very heavy and difficult to sit and learn and understand your own grief. And then to do that at the same time with your partner, very possible. It’s just very, very difficult. So what we work on is communication. I mean, that’s a big piece. So how can I be open and honest, even though it may bring up sadness for my partner? I still need to be open and honest. Because think about like, if you and your husband have Have you ever tried to play the guessing game? Have you ever tried to, you know, I’m assuming that he feels this way, and it’s never really quite works out. So it in grief it or any kind of heavy emotion, it’s really not helpful to try and guess and try and figure out so as being as clear and open about what your feeling is, is just, that’s kind of like the starting point. So open and honest, communication. And then that understanding and validation. So I can see why you would feel like your whole world is flipped upside down, or I can see why life doesn’t make sense anymore for you. I can see why you’re not happy in the things, you know, because sometimes we take that personal if our partner says I’m not happy, it’s like oh, you’re not happy with me. Okay, I don’t make your life happy. But I think what they’re really communicating is, this grief is so hard and and difficult and Right now I feel like life isn’t satisfying. Does that make sense?
Grief, healing, and relationships in couples therapy
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 30:06
Yeah, no, totally makes sense. Yeah. And I think yes, it’s a difficult and delicate dance is what it sounds like. Because both people are hearing this heaviness. And they’re experiencing it differently. And it sounds like you have to take care of yourself first. But then you also have a partner that you care about and that your partner wants to be taken care of, too. And it’s like, how much capacity Do you have? Right? I think that’s what it sounds like, not everybody has the capacity to grieve just for themselves, let alone be there for their partner and help them grieve, especially when it looks and presents so differently. And so just not allowing that to drift or to pull them apart so far that now they’re just on separate paths, and they’re no longer able to do this together. Yeah, exactly. That’s tough. That sounds really
Lindsay Bauer 31:01
tough. Yeah. Yeah, it is. And that’s, again, just validating that this is going to be a really tough journey. And you guys are allowed to take it, how you how it unfolds, right? Like, we’re gonna let this unfold. But I do, I just, I think letting them know that you’re allowed to be on different paths and still love each other, you’re allowed to be on different paths and still have a successful relationship, you know, two different path doesn’t mean that you guys are failing it just like, that’s how we survive when it comes to such heavy
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 31:40
visual of being on the highway, of just like, there’s an express lane, and there’s another lane and you’re both going in the same direction, but you’re on the different level, and you can’t even see each other, but you have to trust that it’s still going towards the same end goal, or the same destination, just popped up for me thinking about that, because it’s different, but you’re trying to get to the same place together.
Lindsay Bauer 32:03
Yeah, yeah. And I don’t know why that makes me think of, you know, take grief out of it. Like, when you meet somebody, you don’t know what the rest of your lives are going to look like, you know, you find a partner, and you love these qualities about them. And you’re compatible. And maybe you’ve gone through a couple of things before you, you know, you get married or totally committed to each other. But then life might throw you some of the darkest heaviest things, and you didn’t know how your partner would respond, you didn’t know how you’re going to respond in those situations. So I always bring that up, too. I’m kind of like, look like you’re learning each other over again, in this grief, and open yourselves up to that, you know, kind of create a curiousness about your partner and yourself during this time. And that can kind of like an open mind. And that can that can bring some lightness and some softness, which is really important during that I
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 33:06
think that’s such a, it’s such a good point. Such a powerful way to think about that. Because sometimes we might think like, oh, I don’t even know who you are, or I don’t know who I am anymore, or, you know, you don’t recognize each other. Like somehow you were duped. But no, we don’t know how we’re going to be in a situation we might, you know, hypothesize, we might assume based on our past experiences. But we really, truly don’t know until we’re there. Right. So I like that. I like that you bring that up to point out to people too. Yeah. Yeah. So seems like there is. And I’ve heard this a lot with some of my clients that there’s almost like this struggle of, you know, when I’m grieving or when I’m sad or something bad happens. I don’t feel like I’m allowed to also feel joy, or to be happy or to experience these good things. Because this sad thing has happened like, is that fair? Or is that okay? Relic? Is there space for all of this, especially in couples therapy, when maybe one person is a little further down the line in their grieving process or just at that point where they’re open to having more joy? Kind of, if you’ve been able to kind of help couples, like reframe that or allow them to like have more of these intimate moments where the connection is more light and not as serious, huh?
Lindsay Bauer 34:33
Yeah. So when you were saying that I was kind of going personally back to when my partner and I we were going through our infertility struggles, which had a lot of grief associated with it. He so you were kind of saying like, one might be further along like that express lane. But it’s not, you know, not just like in terms of where we are in our healing process, but how We heal. So he got his healing as an extrovert, very socially, and like going out and being around people, me, I got my healing from wanting to stay in, I’m very introverted and kind of like, like reserving reflecting, going inward and, and there were times that I was like, Whoa, by you going out, you’re kind of abandoning me. And he said, I’m not abandoning you, I need to also go take care of myself. And so that open line of communication, you know, I feel I feel abandoned when you go out and are socializing. But the moment he said, Yeah, but socializing is helping me heal. It did allow me to kind of step back and say, Oh, he deserves to heal, too. And his way, not just my way. So that’s a big component is helping couples individually understand what works for them. Because like, we were saying, this is a new world, right? This is a new process that we need to take on. And then how do we accept the way our partner’s going to go through it? So a little bit of balance in there, my partner has to heal. But we also have to find a way to heal together? And what will that look like?
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 36:19
I appreciate you sharing that, thank you. I know that’s not an easy part of our lives to vulnerability to bring through. So thank you for sharing that personal experience. So Lindsay, I know that we could probably talk about this for much longer, so maybe we’ll have you back again for another episode for something more in depth. But is there anything new coming up in your practice professionally in your life that you want to share with the listeners?
Lindsay Bauer 36:46
Um, you know, I wish that I could say that, that I was hosting like a retreat. I mean, all of that is coming. It’s just there’s no set date. I have a lot of ideas. I did just work on my website. So my website is now new and polished. It’s beautiful. I love it. And actually, it’s funny, we were talking about grief in couples, I actually have a blog up about that. So if you head to my website, and you go to the blog section, you can find that so if you wanted a little bit more detail, or sometimes being able to read that can be helpful. But yeah, I know in March, I will be doing a short yoga segment with retreat. It’s for new moms post postpartum moms. So it’s kind of like a retreat for new moms to go to. And there are two psychologists, I believe, who are hosting more details in the future. It’s very new. But yeah, that’s kind of what yoga ologies got coming up. That’s awesome.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 37:56
Is this a virtual retreat or in person? No, it’s in person in Conshohocken. Oh, nice. Wonderful. Yes. Excited.
Lindsay Bauer 38:03
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 38:04
And so your website is your yoga ology.com. It
Lindsay Bauer 38:08
is not. I want it to be valid data calm. I’m working on it. But right now, the domain is LindsayBauerMFT.com. Awesome.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 38:18
Okay. And we’ll put that in the show notes for everybody to go to. And that’s how they can reach out to you if they want to work with you. Whether it’s for individual couples therapy, or any kind of yoga or any of these retreats coming up in the future. Absolutely.
Lindsay Bauer 38:30
Yes. On the website, there are plenty of ways to contact me phone email, I even have a book a free consultation, which is very, very nice. Like sometimes people like let me just jump to that piece. I don’t want to do all the emailing. I want my 15 minute consultation right now. Yeah. Perfect.
Kira Yakubov Ploshansky 38:50
onesie. Thank you so much for being on with us. This was awesome to talk with you and learn more about some of your insights and expertise.
Lindsay Bauer 38:58
Thanks, Kira. I appreciate it.